How Old Are You                                                          LJ00181

Little Johnny was welcoming the new boy into his playgroup. "How old are you ?" Little Johnny asked.

"I don't know," the new kid replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, do women bother you ?" Little Johnny wanted to know.

"No," the kid said confidently.

"Then you're five," Little Johnny grinned amiably.





How Women Get Jewelry                                             LJ00182

A 10 year-old girl ran home from school and excitedly said to her mother: "Mummy, Mummy, I've found out how women have babies."

"Well darling, just how do they have babies?" asked her mother inquisitively.

"Babies are made when a man sticks his penis in a woman's mouth," said the young girl.

"Oh no, darling," replied her mother, "that's how women get jewellery!"





How'd You Do That                                                      LJ00183

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Little Johnny,  a kid from around the neighbourhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.

Well, Little Johnny was rather well endowed (had a HUGE cock) and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look.  Sure enough, Little Johnny had the largest schlong he had ever seen!!!

The man asked Little Johnny,  "I don't mean to be too personal, but how did your dick get that big?  I couldn't help but notice."

Little Johnny laughed and said, "Every night before bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times.  Heck, it impresses the girls at school!"

The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself!  Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times.  He was just climbing into bed with new found confidence when the wife sits up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and says, "Little Johnny, is that you?"





Hunting                                                                          LJ00184

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and as a teenager went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that Little Johnny was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"

This seemed to cheer Little Johnny up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.

After a few hours, Little Johnny returned.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

"It was great!" exclaimed Little Johnny. "Got any more dogs?





Hushers                                                                          LJ00185

Little Johnny and his four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big brother had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." warned Little Johnny.

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Johnny pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."





I Need A Man                                                                LJ00186

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed  by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.  One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "OOOhh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"





Water Pistol                                                                   LJ00187

When Little Johnny opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the sink.

His Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Her Mom smiled and then replied... "I remember."





Idiots In The Auditorium                                               LJ00188

The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program. "There seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he snapped. "Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?"

Little Johnny shouted, "Okay - you start."





Idiots                                                                              LJ00189

If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, Little Johnny rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said Little Johnny, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."





Imagination                                                                    LJ00190

Esther Cohen was testing her 2nd grade class's imagination. She put her hand in a box, removed something without the class seeing what it was, put her hand behind and asked "Class I am holding something in my hand, its round, red and is edible, what is it?

Several hands went up.

Esther said, "Yes Robert".

Robert, "Is it an apple?"

Esther replied, "No Robert. Who else can try?"

Peter called out, "It's an orange."

The young teacher said, "No."

James shouted, "It's a tomato!"

"Very good James, that's correct," the teacher answered.

Little Johnny's hand shot up as he said "Miss Cohen, I also want to test the class's imagination."

Esther, reluctant to call on Johnny due to his propensity to use foul language, said "Okay, go ahead".

Johnny putting his hand in his trousers pocket says, "I am holding something in my hand, its three inches long and has a head, what is it?"

The class was quiet and no one had their hand up. The teacher thought quickly and said in a disgusted voice, "Johnny sit down and keep quiet. I don't want any of your silly jokes."

Johnny, smiling removes his hand from his pocket and says, "It's a match stick, Miss Cohen. You have a lot of imagination."