Can't Find It                                                                  LJ00071

Little Johnny got tasked to take the kindergarten down to the boy's room after the younger boy had come back from the first trip down the hall and said he couldn't find it.

A few minutes later they both got back and Johnny told the teacher, "He couldn't find it because he had his pants on backwards."





Little Johnny's Cat                                                        LJ00072

At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from
the class, and she discovered Little Johnny with a cat up his
pants. She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"

Little Johnny started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear
the mailman tell my Mummy "I'm gonna eat your pussy today!"





Charity                                                                           LJ00073

After the church service Little Johnny told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."





Cheater                                                                          LJ00074

Little Johnny (to friend): "You know, Jane Smith CHEATS!"

Friend: "Why do you say that?"

Little Johnny: "Well she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but it turns out SHE HASN'T GOT ONE!"





Cheating                                                                        LJ00075

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about Little Johnny.

Little Johnny's Father: What's that?

Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.





Chewing Gum                                                                LJ00076

Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

Little Johnny: No, I'm Johnny Anderson.





Chicken Wire                                                                LJ00077

One morning Little Johnny got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire.

His father said, "Son, where are you going?".

Little Johnny replied, "I'm going to catch me some chickens".

The father said, "Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire", but Little Johnny insisted that he knew what he was doing.  Later on that day, Little Johnny came home with two chickens in his hand.  The father thought, "I guess he knows what he's doing".

The next morning Little Johnny got up with some duck tape.  The father said, "Son, where you going?".  Little Johnny replied, "I'm going to catch some ducks".

The father yelled, "YOU CAN'T CATCH DUCKS WITH DUCK TAPE"  Little Johnny insisted that he knew what he was doing.  Later on that day Little Johnny came home with two ducks under each arm.  The father thought, "Damn, I guess he does know what he's doing!"

The next morning Little Johnny got up with a hand full of pussywillows.  The father said, "hold up son, let me put on my shoes!!"





Children Of The Earth                                                  LJ00078

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson.  It was now time for the usual question period.

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Johnny, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."

"What's that Johnny?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you're right."

"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Johnny. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin?"





Chokin The Chicken                                                     LJ00079

The farmer was disturbed when he found out his son, Little Johnny, was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.

"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and git yo'self a wife."

So Little Johnny went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding, the farmer found Little Johnny choking the chicken again.

"You crazy boy!!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae's a fine young gal!!"

"I know Paw," Little Johnny replied, "but her arm gits tired sometimes!"





Christmas Gift                                                               LJ00080

Christmas was coming up, and Little Johnny's parents asked him what he wanted.

Little Johnny said "I want a fuckin' baseball."  His parents are shocked at his language, and send him to his room.

Next day, his parents ask him what he wants, and he says "I want a fuckin' toy truck."  This keeps up as Christmas nears.

On Christmas, his parents are fed up with him, andinstead of gifts, they put piles of shit under the tree, one for every time he cussed.  Johnny gets up, finds the shit, and looks all over for anything else, but can't find anything.

His friend calls him up, and asks him what he got,  and he says, "I haven't been able to find it yet, but I think I got a fuckin' puppy."